i have a dream

"i have a dream... a song to sing... to help me cope with anything... if you see the wonder of a fairytale, you can take the future even if you fail... i believe in angels, something good in everything i see... i believe in angels, when i know the time is right for me... i'll cross the stream, i have a dream..."

when i was a kid, i remember there are some people told me to set my dream as high as i could... well, dreaming is easy, super easy... the difficult part is: how to make my dreams come true...

as the time passed by, i found there are things that need to be clarified... things about myself... what do i want?? what do i need?? what do i have to do, learn and change to reach what i've been dreaming about?? 

my dream isn't far away from my hand... i just need to step out the circle - which is called as my comfort zone - to reach it (and it's never been easy)... be brave, jess! if you think you're able to reach your dream, it's right... thinking that you're unable to reach it is also right... because they're both right, it's better for you to think positively - that you're able... so, again... be brave!

the song i typed above reminds me that failure isn't something that could stop me dreaming... there are good things i could learn from failures so i wouldn't fall into the same hole twice... failures are only postponed successes... at the end, it's all up to me, whether i'm gonna keep trying to reach them or not...

remember, there is no free stuff on earth... we need to pay for the fuel of the car we're driving... 

your car goes whenever your eyes're looking at... so, keep the focus!!

-Jezz

Red Strap

A month has passed... n we're now in the 2nd month of 2010....

I'm so grateful that i could reach my 1st target easily... and here it is:

My new baby... XD

Thought of getting a Nikon before, but ending up buying Canon... 

I remember that night, when i brought this camera home... Mom asked me what i bought... I just smiled... I was scared to let her know that I've spent that much $$$$ for something without telling her... Well, ya... But, at the end, i told her bout this... n i bought this with my own $$$$, not asking from parents... XD

Anw, I'm on my progress to reach my 2nd target this year... where i would be so busy sketching this and that... Wish me luck, everyone!!!

-Jezz

a quick thought

When I was searching for a song to be downloaded, I accidentally found this, an old song of Sherina's...

I remember I watched the movie when i was in elementary school... a musical children movie telling about moving to somewhere new... about friendship... I think i still have the original VCD (there is no such thing called DVD that time) somewhere...

I listen to this song again and again... and touched...

"Begitulah seharusnya jalani kehidupan, setia... setia... dan tanpa terpaksa..." and "Lihat segalanya lebih dekat dan kau akan mengerti..."

Those phrases remind me about how to live in this life... to be loyal... in everything I've started... Though sometimes the things I am doing aren't things I'm wishing/expecting to do, but I learn through the process of doing them... I look at them closely, then i would understand what I am doing and where I am heading to...

Life is meaningful when we can open our eyes widely and understand what are happening around us... =D

-Jezz

Rain & 117

It's Friday 6.00 pm now... and i'm still sitting in front of my PC in my office... Hahaha... it's not i'm not excited to get home as fast as i can, but there's an accident happened on the way home and it caused heavy traffic... so, i prefer to stay here than sitting alone in the car... 


anyway... 117 is the tittle i've chosen this time... (maybe you are the only one who could understand)...
n why that number?? coz it's the number where the story began...
i remember few days before u mentioned that number to me, u typed this:
"i wish i could tell you how close you are to me while you are 50000000000000000 km away from me..." (or it was miles instead of km?? whateva.. it doesn't really matter... LOL)
so, now you know why i didn't cry when i saw you leaving...
to be honest, i was kinda disappointed when the rain didn't pour last night... i guess, u're still curious about the connection between rain and you... hahaha... let me keep it myself (just pray that i would accidentally say it out to you)... 
about your secret wish you told me this morning just before your flight... you don't need to mention that, coz i know what you want... so, just be patient and wait till i make it out... XD n here it is... a post for ya... 


There'll be times when things are getting harder and harder... I'm not that kinda super-wise gal who's always able to solve problem well, i might be mad sometimes... I'm not that sweet to say those flowery words easily to you... Oh well, I'm just me who's holding your hands tightly to walk together... and that's the way i love you...


-Jezz

a mess...

"and sometimes when we touch... the honesty's too much..." 
A phrase from that song represents the thought I'm having on my mind at the moment... Staying faraway from you isn't an easy thing to do... It's not I don't wanna spend more time with you when you're around... I'm just scared.... Yeah, scared of not being able to let you go... The more physical attachment we have, the harder for me to stay miles away from you... I hope this makes sense... >,<
Anw, it's just a short thought of mine... I don't wanna think or worry too much about that... LOL... I just believe that I will see u again physically very soon (without knowing how soon it is exactly)... 


There are times when I need to isolate myself from the online societies... I'm not avoiding people nor unwilling to communicate with my friends... I just need some times to think about myself, to look at my own reflection... 
I wonder how important people's perceptions about me are... I hate it when people around me are starting to underestimate me - while they can't prove that they're able to be better than me (maybe this kind of people thinks that they're the best - who knows what's on their minds)...sigh*
I believe that life is a process of learning... I can't learn how to be a better me without people's opinions/perceptions... So, i guess being carefree isn't a solution for me... But (to be honest), sometimes accepting people's opinions is difficult as well (especially when the way they think is totally different from mine)... Hahaha... Okay... my mind is just making things to be more complicated... (it's proved from what I've typed here, a mess)... LOL...
i need to remember my own quote: "The only thing that makes simple things become more complicated is our minds..."
so....... Don't worry.... Be Happy... =D


-Jezz

be present

I just moved my phone card to my old mobile yesterday... then i accidentally opened the saved message folder and found those SMS sent by my friends before they left 3.5 years ago... I still remember those moments, when i was the last person who left the town and saw friends were starting to move far far away from me... in my life, i always hate the thing called "farewell" though it doesn't always mean i am losing people i love... 

I kept silent after reading the SMS... i can't really tell what was on my mind... probably, sadness?? i guess so... 3.5 years isn't a long time (for me), but i can see there are so many changes in the environment i lived before... it's not as same as it was before... and i think i'm scared to be placed there once again, because i'm now living in a much better environment... arrogant? selfish? well yeah, i am... for my own goodness...

Parents always wish the best things to their kids... so do my dad and mom... but, there are times when they worry too much about me... i know exactly what i am doing now... i just need some more time to prove that i can make my parents proud of having me as their daughter... things might happen if they should be... so, just trust me if i can make it...

"I want you not to worry about our future too much... just be present with me... and that's more than enough..."

you sent me that the night before i left hometown... so, i don't want you to think too much bout the stuffs you mentioned this morning (i'm ignoring that as well - better not to think bout that)... i am happy to be with you... i dun wanna think/worry too far/much about what's gonna happen next... let it be a surprise from God for both you and me... i just wanna enjoy the time we have... like what u've said: just be present with you... 1.2.3.4

-Jezz

31 dec 09

Now it’s really the end of 2009... Before i start to type more, i wanna wish everyone MERRY CHRISTMAS (though it’s too late)... another year has passed... many things happened within this 365 days... Thank to God, who has made my belief comes true this year... i have a really great yearend (though i will just stay at ir’s place to watch movies together with dj)...

Here’s my Christmas-new year break story:

My flight to Ptk is on the 24^th of Dec 6.10 PM... went to airport around 4.40 and arrived there at 5... when i saw the check in desk, there’s a note there saying that the flight would be at 7 pm... and i asked the lady there, whether it’s delayed... she said, it’s the scheduled being moved... well, okay... 7pm wouldn’t be that bad... done with the check in, i looked at the flight schedule screen to know where’s the waiting room for the 5pm flight (Al took that flight) so i could find him... and guess what, the schedule shown wasn’t updated... it just showed the morning flights schedules, and it was 5 pm... wondered what’s the point of showing that passed flight schedules... then, i went upstair to the waiting room, and look at another screen... n there was it... his flight was delayed as well, so i got time to see him... i walked around the waiting room, looked at left and right... n i couldn’t find him... n thought “he’s not here??”... then i turned my body, and he was there... standing right in front of me and said “Jess”...  surprised... and i just gave him a hug... that’s him, after 2 years since the latest time i met him... after that, we just talked with his sister as well... after they boarded the aircraft, i went to my waiting room... it was so crowded there, and i couldn’t find a seat to sit (people put their stuffs on the chairs, sigh*)... so, i just find a good spot and sit on the floor while waiting to board... (ah yeah, my flight was delayed till 8 pm – i hate indo’s domestic airline)... at the end, i arrived ptk around 10 pm... Ir and her family picked me up at the airport...

I got into my house and found no one was there (except my maids)... i felt weird... this house used to be crowded before... and now, it’s only me... so, i just showered and went to bed... Christmas morning, i called jm for breakfast... so, he came and picked me up then he drove to pick dj as well... spending xmas with going to karaoke (ir joined us as well)... and went to church at the evening... meeting some old friends at dinner time, talked a bit and went home... Tell ya the truth, how boring it is to be here... seriously, i had nothing to do here... we went for karaoke again at the 26^th coz we found we got nothing else to do...

27^th – 29^th of Dec, Al was here spending time together with me, dj, ir and jm... we went to watch “sang pemimpi”... it was a good movie to watch (especially for Indonesian movie)... and again, karaoke... LOL... there’s no place to go other than mall, karaoke and friends’ houses here... i can say that it’s really nice and happy to stay close to your good friends who are used to be far away from you... seriously, i am happy... the only disappointing thing is: limited time we had... i wish i could spend more time together...

A song on my mind: Two Is Better Than One – Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone

And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When all is said and done
Two is better than one

Lastly for this year... try to believe in yourself, coz everything would turn out the way you want it if you do believe... the beginning of 2009 was hard... mid 2009 was okay... and the end of 2009 is really GREAT... i got everything that i want and i got you...

Wishing that 2010 will be a better year for everyone... =)

-Jezz